Really missing my little sultan.

Oh, Jiji, I miss you every day. Today, your first birthday since your passing, my heart is filled with sorrow.

I can't stop replaying moments with you in my head.

I keep thinking about you as a tiny kitten, so trusting and clownish, brave beyond wisdom. I will never forget the moment I first held you, clutching you close to my chest as your tiny purr unlocked a part of my heart that I didn't even know was there before I met you.

As you grew, so did your needs, but I didn't care. You were my baby, my black bundle of joy, and nothing you needed could ever be too much. Your personality and charm always far exceeded any minor inconvenience required to keep you healthy. Having you around was like having a really gorgeous, slightly judgmental friend with a razor sharp wit and an ultra-magnetic personality. I love the way you would put your paws up on my leg and yell at me when you wanted something. I always loved that you knew that if I whispered your name, you would get treats when the other cats wouldn't, and that you knew to be cool about it an keep it on the DL. I treasure the relationship we had, and I contend that you understood English better than most animals.

When you got really sick last summer, I was so scared. I just wanted you to be ok, and I wanted to take away the hurt. So many vet visits. So many phone calls. So many people touching you, examining you, giving me information. So many tears, so much worry. I have to laugh a little, looking back, at your surgeon telling me it was my fault you had such a diva attitude with her staff. I knew you must have been feeling awful, because you were usually a fabulous vet patient. I don't regret spoiling you one bit, my little prince, my fluffy sultan. You were a miraculous sparkling jewel in my eyes, and you still are.

I remember remarking how, after you had recovered from surgery, you were happier than I had seen you in a long time. I didn't know it was your swan song, but I am so, so grateful for those last few weeks we had with you. Your playful, demanding personality was there again, full force, after a long time of being dulled by discomfort. It was awesome in the truest sense, seeing the colorful boy in the dark fur come back to us. I thank my lucky stars every day that we had that time together.

I hate that you were taken from us so suddenly, but I can't help but be thankful that you saved us from having to make the terrible decision regarding your fate.

I will always have a hole in my heart the shape of a cat with no tail. You made your human father love cats. You made me realize what it really means to care for another creature and how rewarding it can be. I know I will never forget you, because I think about you all the time. Thank you for being my baby.

I dreamed of Jiji last night.

I never posted about it here, but our darling little sultan Jiji passed away last October, in the midst of all the house closing craziness. It was of course extremely rough, and I still miss our baby. I think about how he never got to see our new home and enjoy the expanded space. I think about the way he would look at me with an expression of utter understanding and how it seemed like he was somehow more of our equal than our pet. I feel so sad some days, but I am also so grateful that we were the lucky parents chosen for him. He enriched our lives in ways I never anticipated.

Last night, I dreamed he was in the new house with us, sitting on the loveseat in the living room. I couldn't believe my eyes. There were other people there, and after staring at my gorgeous boy in disbelief for some time, I asked the other people in the room if they could see him. They said they could and agreed it was miraculous, and I knelt by the loveseat and stroked his face and leaned in to kiss his head.

That's all I remember. Whispering that I loved him and missed him, looking at those beautiful eyes of his.

I miss you every day, Jiji.

A/C: Still on the Fritz

Our house is literally hot as Hades.

We are working to get it fixed.

I don't mind it so much, but Brian and the cats are going to rebel soon.

Several Months in the New House...

... and it is bliss.

I want to spend all my time in our lovely abode. I love being there. I love making our life there. I love cuddling our cats there. I love love love this house. It's my dream come true to have this place, our place, with our decor and our rooms and our crazy stuff.. Heavenly.

We officially started living there in January, and though there was a bit of semi-painful back and forth to the apartment after that to get it cleared out, I now am so happy every time I pull into the driveway and open our door.

We have so many projects left to work on - and I'm so excited about the evolution Wisdom House is going to enjoy!